This week it has been very difficult for me to be productive. I have begun to question whether or not I should be meeting all of the expectations that academia and my future place on my body. I am very astonished at the lack of consideration, empathy, and training that the institutions and organizations I am a part of now have towards minority students. The education I have received through them regarding intersectionality, oppression, and communion seems to not be something they apply to their work.
I know of and have friends who do not have the comfort of a stable home, let alone access to WIFI, to be placed at the same standards and expectations that they work with when on campus. I include myself in this group of people. I, fortunately, have housing and food stability but there are constant insecurities living with an unemployed single parent. I decided to study at Brandeis because of the support they offer me while on campus which includes: support with tuition, meals, housing, my academics even advising. When at home that support is nonexistent. Focusing and meeting deadlines are sometimes impossible. I do not think home is a space where I can give my all to my academics. To top it all of my study abroad classes are not continuing through video calls. Instead, my professors adjusted the semester’s syllabus and have assigned more work and deadlines that are coming up very fast. I just hope that the world is better prepared for pandemics like these or any type of emergency like this in the future.
Regardless of my dismay and lack of motivation I continue to attempt to be productive and meet deadlines. I have advocated for myself and communicated with my advisors and my loved ones about my worries. I am very active and try to be as creative as possible. I have gone on long runs every day, I journal, paint and knit. I help my mother cook, with chores around the house or anything she needs my help with. I Have long conversations with my loved ones. I try to do work on calls with friends. There are days where I feel perfectly fine and happy with my productivity but then there are days where I am worried and become extremely overwhelmed with the stress of potentially failing the semester for my lack of work commitment. Sadly, I have come to feel fulfillment and peace through the completion of work assigned and grades received. We do live in an individualistic society.